Local web site gets visitors

DiscoverSuffolk.com is an exciting, vibrant and new initiative by Suffolk County Council to generate employment.  After some £30,000 expenditure the web site has already had some visitors who have learnt that Suffolk is in East Anglia and takes in parts of Norfolk.  International web site stylist Mark Time told us  "The important thing with an exciting, vibrant and new initiative is to have lots of meetings and the occasional open day with sandwiches".  He continued "The rate payers of Suffolk (and parts of Norfolk) can rest assured we will be spending another £30,000 on further exciting, vibrant and new meetings and a downloadable PowerPoint presentation showing pages from the web site."

Austrian web design company  Dielaughing Media who have constructed DiscoverSuffolk.com were not available for comment as they were on their holidays at a small arms exhibition in Kosovo. 

Plans to control anti-social drinking

Proposals to control anti-social drinking in a Suffolk district council are being put to the people of  Framlingham.  Residents are being asked to give their views on plans to introduce designation orders in parts of  the Suffolk Coastal District Council offices.  In these areas someone whose behaviour is deemed to be anti-social can be ordered to stop consuming alcohol and hand over the drink.  The proposal is being made by Framlingham Town Council.

 "Similar restrictions have already been introduced in Felixstowe, Leiston and Woodbridge and have helped the SAS improve the quality of life for those who live there" Councillor Sherry Green (28) said.

In the designated areas anyone failing to comply faces a potential fine of up to £500 and confiscation of their highlighter.  Anyone wanting to comment on the proposal can send them to the council's community safety officer (who for security reasons has no email or postal address) by the Wednesday before last.

Web site vows to be useless

Yesterday Des Fisher (28) managing director of the East African's parent company NaTCH Engineering promised that the local paper's new website would continue the successful formula of tedious and sometimes incomprehensible picture editing combined with an errror in every news item.  He recommended 'surfers' and 'blowins' to visit Framlingham.com if they wanted stimulating photography and only the occasional error.

Though originally from East London himself Mr Fisher has strong views about the 'londoner' style of journalism and thinks it causes breakdown of the family unit and can lead to incontinence.  "If only young journalists would stick to the Suffolk 'slap and up cock' style that has been tried and tested then I am convinced there would be fewer divorces" he said addressing the Parham Drome 'n Drum Club.

Local man meets traffic warden

Imagine delivery driver Darren Gerbak's (28) surprise and delight when last week he